i was recently having a conversation with my friend phil, where i mentioned that spike is literally obsessed with zombies. he loves pretty much every incarnation of zombie movie ever made, and he didn't just jump on the recent zombie-bandwagon [ heh heh i just imagined a big wagon driving through town with drooling snatching zombies stuffed into it ... heh heh ] ... he's been like this since before we met, and on our first date we discussed the pro's and con's of the movie Return of the Living Dead [ among the pros: "BRAAAAAAAAAINS" and the cut-in-half dogs and Linnea Quigley naked ] . my man knows zombies.

but, he is also afraid of zombies. and aliens. and ... for some reason, whales. [ *shrug* } ... so much so in fact, that i used to be able to send him into a fit of anxiety as we lay in bed at night by carefully planting zombie/alien/whale images in his head.

something like: "spike! did you hear that??? it sounded like someone groaning!!! did i just hear someone mutter 'braaaains'??? check under the bed!" to which he would respond, "no fuckin' WAY!" and then he would snuggle up close to me, and i'd be thinking "awwwwwww-right!" and inwardly grinning.

this fear doesn't seem to have subsided any, despite the fact that i have told him a million times that zombies are LIGHTWEIGHT! eeeasy!

me: "what the hell are you afraid of zombies for ...? firstly, they're slow. if you want to get away from them, all you have to do is walk a little faster."
spike: "humph"
me: "seriously, though. if zombies ever come to attack, i'll protect you. it's simple. one good shot to the head and it's all over. you'll be glad you chose me to be your girlfriend."
spike: *rolls his eyes, unconvinced*

i guess this is just the way it's going to be in our relationship, until the day when the radio-active comet/strange goverment-produced chemical/or voodoo curse falls upon the earth, and the dead start clawing their way out of their graves.

then i'll impress him with my mad, zombie-killin' skillz!

phil agrees with me that zombies wouldn't be a problem. after i told him about spike's fear of zombies/aliens he wrote to me:

"pftt, zombies are easy there stupid... aliens however are smarter then we are and yeah they scare the bejeezus out of me ... two words: ANAL PROBE"

phil and i are on the saaaaaame page.

BRAAAAAIIIINNNNNSSS!

spike must have spent many hours during his youth with linnea, um, in his imagination in his room with the door locked. with a bottle of jergens.