on monday i woke up with a nagging cough ... i couldn't even think of what could have been causing it. i smoked a lot on the weekend, but this was different, it felt like a bad chest cold, but without any of the other symptoms. i felt like a steel band had been strapped across my chest and that it was getting tighter and tighter.

so on my way home last night i bought some cough syrup, and got home, took some, and lay down. i felt like el-crapola. i could hardly breathe.

when i woke up to two nightmares: the first, was that i suddenly had a terrible fever, and my body was aching all over. i was so freezing cold i could barely move. i felt horrible. the strange thing is that i *still* don't seem to have any other cold symptoms ... no runny nose, no sore throat ... just a cough and a fever.

the second nightmare i woke up to was that new show with Paris Hilton in it ... "The Simple Life" or something-or-other.

if you're not familiar with the premise of the show, it features the skeletal Paris Hilton and her friend who's name i still don't know but i do know that she's lionel ritchie's daughter. i could look her name up, but i'm wicked lazy.

these rich, vacuous girls were taken from their "jet-setting beverly hills" lifestyles and thrust into rural arkansas ( i think it was arkansas ...? ) to live with a family on a farm for a month.

from watching the first episode, i already really really feel sorry for the family, 'cause they seem like nice, decent, hard-working people, and these girls are just going to RUIN their lives.

i hope they at least get a lot of money for their troubles.

you see, paris hilton is a spoiled, whiny, usless, mouthy bitch, and they have to live with her for a whole. entire. month.

i have to admit, i'm a fan of some reality television. i watch Survivor almost religiously, and my friends and i usually even make a weekly event out of getting together and watching it. ( ... although now that Rupert's gone, and Jon's still there ... well ... grrrrr ) ... i get a kick out of shows like "Fear Factor" -- eeew! they ate spiders! cooooool! - and i thought that "Last Comic Standing" was pretty entertaining. I draw the line -- for the most part -- at Joe Millionaire and those Bachelor/ette shows, although if there's nothing else on, i'll leave them on for background noise. Anna Nicole (who is also spoiled, whiny and useless) is pretty entertaining, but i think that i like her for the most part 'cause she's stupid and wicked slutty ... and that she's also pretty much stoned all the time.

but this "simple life" show was appalling! i couldn't believe how ungrateful and ingracious these girls were. they refused to do any kind of work around the house for this family, and pretty much complained about everything, from the food to the accomodations to the "lack of big city entertainment" ... when the family was preparing dinner, and had asked them to help dress and prepare the chickens, they both exclaimed "eeeew! i can't go anywhere near a dead animal!!! i'll vomit!!!" yet in the next scene they were EATING the chickens that they refused to help clean.

so apparently they can't go anywhere near dead animals ... unless they're fried and battered. then they can stick them in their mouths.

these girls epitomize every quality of every girl i absolutely HATED in highschool ... they're stupid, shallow, and their tittering giggles at this nice family's expense made me want to sock BOTH OF THEM in the mouths. don't get me wrong, i'm not all "ooooh i hate them 'cause they're hot and i'm not a 6' tall model" or any of that shit, 'cause trust me, i'd rather look like me than either of those girls ANY DAY ... to me their looks are so boring you could throw a chicken nugget in the food court of your local suburban mall and hit a girl that looks just like them ... but their attitudes ... their attitudes made them -- at least in my eyes -- to be completely ugly to me. repulsively ugly. vomitously ugly. poo-on-your-shoe ugly.

i will never ever watch that show again! ... unless they advertise the "Paris gets her arm severed in a shocking combine accident!" episode.