corona took off for the UK yesterday ... it seems her mom -- who's been in and out of the hospital for a couple of months now -- has taken a turn for the worse and her stepfather is very afraid. afraid that she's not going to make it through the weekend.

i find my self constantly thinking about her, and at the same time am feeling utterly helpless about the whole thing. i don't know what to do. i have an ache inside me, an itch really, to do something about it ... as if i could wave a magic wand and make everything better, as if i could make everything alright for her and her family, but the truth is i can't do anything, i am impotent, all i can do is send her emails telling her how much we all love her and hope that everything turns out for the best.

for some reason that doesn't seem like it's good enough for me.

even though i am not even remotely a religious person, and haven't stepped over the threshold of a church in years [ and even then it was most likely for a wedding or something ] i find my self recently hoping that there is some kind of god, and heaven, and hoping in my heart of hearts that he's up there and he has power and he is watching over corona and her family and that he has fucking sense and he knows it is not her mom's fucking time yet, that corona needs her so ... and that he will wave his magic wand and everything will be all right. and i hope that having corona by her side will give her mother the will ... the will to stay with us, 'cause i need to meet her, and let her know how much i love her daughter and how as long as scabby and spike and amy and i are alive, that she'll be all right.

fuck.

i wish there was something more i could do. when and if anyone reads this, please go to her page and leave her a comment, wishing her the best, and if that isn't working -- as it often isn't ... it's buggy -- leave one for her here, and i will make sure she gets it.

god, if you're there, make sure everything will be okay. please. i don't ask for much.

Lex.