all right! i can't take it anymore!

when i got possession of this apartment, i was excited. i grabbed a bunch of friends and a case of beer and we painted. by the end of the night, after having all of my screenless windows open, there was a small swarm of fruit flies in the kitchen.

no problem ... i think ... it's just the empty beer bottles. get rid of the empties, and get rid of the flies.

nope.

as i type this, little meandering specks are swooping between me and the monitor. when i watch television, little dots wander across the screen, and when i'm in the bathroom, there's a veritable ARMY of them circling my head.

i am constantly walking around my apartment clapping my hands together. anyone looking in would think that i'm either very enthusiastic or completely insane.

and there's no way to get rid of the fuckers, as far as I can tell, either. i have heard about spraying them with alcohol and listerine and whathaveyou ... but that just kills them individually.

at this point, i am more interested in some kind of fruit fly genocide.

i'm talking a relentless slaughter of all fruit flies. when i catch them now between my reddened, clapping palms my cries of "DIE FUCKER!!!" can be heard throughout the building. i imagine collecting all of their fruit fly corpses and chopping their little heads off and mounting them on a giant board as a warning to all future fruit flies that i mean business. i might even mount some tiny little antlers on them to give it a more "rustic" feel ...

genocide.

wipe all the fruit flies off the planet. aaaaaaaaaaalllllllllll of theeeemmmmmmmmm

i mean, really .... would anyone miss them ...?