what a difference a day makes, mofos. i am feeling like 100% better now ... and i think i am getting better with each passing second. spike and i have emailed aimicably back and forth a couple of times yesterday and today and i am starting to feel like we could really work things out as friends. got home from work last night and met up with ron and rizpickles. we ordered subs and then got all dolled up (ron is up from california, and i decked him out in a tool t-shirt and we gelled his hair up ... i even let him wear my tool necklace i got when i went to see them last in hamilton. he was lookin' pretty swinky!) and then headed out to the dance cave for some dancin' drinkin' and cussin'.

we met up with rocketbride and her hubby james there, and also scott, the host of the birthday party on saturday. (I can't seem to get used to his now-long black hair and goatee, although it does suit him. well ... the long hair and the goatee suits him, but the black just isn't "scott" to me ... hehehe). dj shannon was spinning, and i must say, she's the shit. she's adorable, plays great music, and she's a total doll when you talk to her or request songs. she dj'd rocketbride and james' wedding in 2000 and it kicked ass. but i digress ...

where was i ...?

oh yah ... feeling better ...

anyways, i got up and danced up a storm, and then at one point, james comes over to me and "warns" met that lou and jerry had come into the club. they are friends of my ex, and the ones that he's been spending most of his time with since our breakup. it didn't bother me, though ... i went over and said hi and everything was totally cool ... lou informed me that he was celebrating a "bachelor party" 'cause his cute girlfriend sharon was going to be moving in with him on thursday. by the end of the night he was pretty darn trashed ... hhehehe cheers ...!

we got a ride home from rocketbride and hubby, and then after pickles and ron caught a cab back to the hotel, i tried to eat some chow mein and then headed to bed. it was after four in the morning when i finally plopped my head onto the pillow, and my alarm was set for ten after seven.

needless to say, i hit my snooze button more than a few times.

...

i think that one of the main things that is keeping me from being sad or upset has been my busy schedule. i've been keeping myself really busy since spike and i broke up, always having friends over, or cleaning up the apartment, doing some painting, and going out with friends. aside from the first couple of days afterward, i haven't had much time to think about things, and now, i find that even when i do, i don't get that horrible ache in my heart like i used to. i am pretty sure that i am going to be a-o.k. ... i mean, don't get me wrong, i still get sad from moment to moment, like when they played "just like heaven" last night at the club, a song that i think we'd always considered to be "our song" ... or when i think about what it's going to be like to see him again and not be able to touch him, or kiss him or whatever (not that we did that all that much) ... but i'm not "devastated" or anything ... it's just a soft, low kind of longing. not so much longing to be back with him, but a longing for when times were happier, and feelings were better.

it does kind of bother me that he seems to be totally over me, but that's just his nature. he bottles up all of his feelings, all the time. who knows? maybe he feels more relief than anything else to be without me, but i try not to think about it, and try not to let that prospect bother me.

*shrug*

anyway ... here's a picture of the lovely dj shannon from rocketbride's wedding back in 2000 ... isn't she adorable?