yah so i figured that it was about effing -- effing??? i mean FUCKING -- time that i updated my diary ... my computer at home is still fucked. my life is still fucked. but things are looking much better.

last week, at the beginning of the week, i was excited. i had a five-day weekend coming up. i didn't know what i was going to do with it. i was kind of scared about it. i thought to myself, if i have to sit in front of my television for five days, i am going to go crazy. i wanted to do something with my weekend. have adventures. go to the moon. chase butterflies. say goodbye to the summer.

but i knew that i would be broke. i have many people with "unlisted" and "unavailable" numbers calling me recently, and they're all saying the same thing ... it's along the lines of "we're so-and-so credit somethingorother and you owe us money" and i'm all "yah i'll pay you" *click* ...

and i knew that corona -- as much as she loves me -- is waaaay too busy to babysit me for five days. she has her scabby man. and a job. and a life.

and i knew that most of the other people i knew would be away ... far far away ... and that they wouldn't be there for me either.

so i began to feel sad sad sad. i told my boss i would work thursday and friday, and that i didn't need a vacation, i mean, it wouldn't be any fun anyway, right ...?

he insisted that i at least take friday. fine.

monday i get a call. it's from an old friend. his name is mat. he is big and tall and strong and has an english accent and we went to highschool together and grew up together and we've known eachother for what i am thinking now that i am counting on my fingers to be about eleven years.

when we were younger, i was with my boyfriend graeme, and he was with his girlfriend jen. and then he was with his girlfriend tanya and i was with my boyfriend max. but we still always hung out together and talked real good and got along just fancily.

one time we dyed our hair with strawberry kool aid.

i have seen his butt many, many times.

what's new with mat ...? the little lady tanya that i had mentioned earlier, well, they aren't together anymore.

just like i'm no longer with my spike.

and we both loved these people. and they're gone from our lives. and they'd hurt us. and we have been hurt a lot lot lot in the past by these people and other people, mostly another person by me, but i still got the hurt, it's like baggage and it hangs around and i can't seem to check it no matter how hard i try 'cause no one wants to hear about the shitty things your ex has done to you.

so we talked. we talked for three hours.

then tuesday, i called him. that night we talked and talked and talked. about everything this time, not just the horrible ex things, but they peppered the conversation.

then on wednesday, we talked for a bit, but then it was like "dammit, you're like 20 minutes away and i have a car so why don't i just come see you ...?" and he was there in 20 minutes.

we took the doggie to the beach and found unopened alcohol. it was cool. i dragged a big driftwood log into the water and made a pentagram with empty bottles 'cause i'm just too cool that way.

we talked and talked and talked some more. about everything ... no stopping, no awkward silences. i mean, there were some silences, but they were far from awkward.

the next night, i only talked to him for an hour or so, 'cause me and my homegirl corona were doing the sushi and wine thing and we giggled and drank and jipped the delivery guy [ not on purpose ] and smoked and chewed gum.

friday, mat came out again. i made him a big pasta dinner, and he brought me cool tobasco things -- he's got the mad tobasco hook ups -- like this cute little knife and fork with peppers on it and rocks glasses and lobster recipe card holders that i think i'll just use as roach clips 'cause i don't have recipe cards.

then we went out to the cadillac lounge and talked some more and ooogled at minor toronto celebrites that he didn't know. and laughed at crazy screaming parkdale people.

he was too drunk to drive home, so he stayed over. get your mind out of the gutter, nothing happened.

then the next day we went out for breakfast at the elvis restaraunt. they make a mean BLT. then we did the queen street thing, and decided to head back to b-town, where he lives.

we went to see my friend sleeven and his girlie girl and there baby. we smoked and drank too much. i sent mat home in a cab, but he kept telling the driver that he lived on another street. his old street. too funny.

the next day he calls me up. we need to have an adventure, he says. i thought we were having one, i says. nope, he says. a new one. so he comes over to my mom's and we drink sleemans and decide to have an experiment. to see if we could do niagara falls on $60 dollars. [ $20 of which was from my mom's boyfriend. all the rest was his. ]

so we get in the car and we drive and drive and suddenly we're on clifton hill looking for parking and we can't find any so we park at a club and this guy's like "you can't park here" but mat sweet talked him and then all of a sudden we could, but it cost us $5.

the guy says, "are you here for the fireworks?" and we're like ... um ... yah ... so then we decide we need to go down and find a spot for the fireworks. we sit, and talk, and there are no fireworks. it was a jip.

then we had to get in closer to the falls, but by the time we got to the end the mist and the rain was so bad we thought our contact lenses were going to be washed away, so we decided to go to the casino.

we bought $10 in quarters, 'cause it would be dumb to gamble all of our money away ... we put it in the slots, and were up $3 at one point, but then we lost it all. we shrugged and left and decided to find some food.

um

that didn't work, though, 'cause food is way too expensive in niagara falls, so we decided to leave. it was about 2 a.m. anyways.

we got fast food in burlington, visited a park with a cool bridge in oakville, drove by apartments of people we knew and knew were sleeping, just to see their places. went to a place in b-town that mat wished he could live in. and talked. and talked. about everything.

get your mind out of the gutter. nothing happened.

we watched the sun come up over the park and talked and talked and talked.

at 8:30 in the morning i had to go home 'cause i had to pee.

the next day i had beers with my other friend steve [ everyone i know is named steve or dave ] and then mat came over and saw my mom drunk and singing to the white album. my mom never gets that drunk, but when she does she jumps around and dances and is very funny.

this is the longest entry in the entire world.

mat drove me home. we talked and talked and talked some more and stayed up later than we should have and listened to the white album and he said "i never really liked the beatles before but this is good" and i said "i know" and we talked and talked and talked some more.

it turned out to be a very good, very fun weekend. i was never lonely. never sad. i had no time to think about sadness or loneliness or how much i hate myself when i am alone in the dark.