officially, at work, my job title/description is "Multimedia Designer" ... which means that i design and program in all areas of media [ print, CD ROM, flash and HTML web, etc. ] but what you may not know about me are the unofficial things that i do at my place of business, the duties that have somehow been assigned to me because i am a mature and responsible person*.

TOILET PAPER ROLL CHANGER
all right now. 'c-MON! i know i am not the only person who uses it. my boss takes a dump every day at about 10:30 in the morning. unless he's not wiping his ass, there's no excuse for this. why is it almost three times a week i go into the bathroom and there's a full roll on the go on the back of the toilet, while there's only dregs on the roll? that's just rude.

SUGAR REFILLER
okay, i admit it. i probably use the most sugar in this place, but i am not the only one using it ...! but why is it that people in this place would rather go without sugar altogether than refill it? and do they realize that i am the only one here that is too short to reach it on the shelf where it is stored? i have to climb on top of some rickety ikea stool to reach it. i swear to god, one day i am going to die doing this. DIE I SAY!!!

DOOR ANSWERER
we get a lot of packages from couriers here. and clients visiting. this is important stuff. collateral from clients, prospective clients coming to see what kind of work we can do for them. so then WHY is it whenever the doorbell rings, everyone in the office just sits in their chairs, trying to pretend it didn't happen, until like a minute goes by [ and oftentimes the bell rings AGAIN ] and i stand up and go "you want me to get that?!?!!?" ... uh ... duh.

DISH WASHER
sink is full of coffee mugs and lunch dishes? always. are they all from me? never. do i have to clean them? youbetcha.

CAN RECYCLER
i recently went on strike from this position, 'cause i am sick of it. the kitchen fills with pop cans quickly each week, and even though i drink one can a day, and there's like thirty in the kitchen, when my boss inevitably says to us "could you please bring your pop cans down to the recycling bin at the end of the day??" everyone in the office goes "sure!" and then they bring like one can down, leaving the other thirty up by the sink. so me, being the pushover that i am, will pack them all up into bags and bring them down to the bin. everyone else here, seeing me do this, for some reason automatically seems to think to themselves 'oh, lex is pretty good at that. i'll just leave it to her.' BITE ME.

i need a new job.