L e x wrote:
How about we talk about the bizarre and twisted history of socks ...? did you
know that the people who wore the first socks -- The Sock People -- were considered
to be prophets, and everyone would listen to what they said, and if the things
that they said didn't come true, they would be killed. Often in some way involving
their own socks ...?
STRANGE, BUT TRUE!
Alex
wrote:
Yes, the Sock People of Lower Sockia. Also inventors of the Toque, another fascinating
piece of clothing.
Did you know the toque was originally invented to protect the heads of sheep?
Strange but true! It gradually found more use in human society when a poor shepherd
(who lost his hat in the great wind storm of naught-9) borrowed his sheep, Ed`s,
toque to keep his head warm.
L
e x wrote:
Well that only stands to reason, 'cause after all, what is a toque, but a sock
for your head.
I had heard about that Shepherd and Ed the sheep, but did *you* know that even
though that shepherd had started wearing the touque after that storm, and it
worked very well at keeping his head warm, it didn't catch on for quite some
time afterward, mostly because Ed the sheep was quite unpopular in the shepherd's
villiage. He was smelly and ill-tempered, and the villagers often threw rocks
and potatoes at him.
It wasn't until the day that Ed saved many small children from a raging schoolhouse
fire that the touque became popular. Villagers would often set their touques
on fire as a tribute to Ed, who perished in the fire. However, they found that,
although the flaming toques were keeping their heads quite toasty, that wearing
a flaming toque was often fatal, not to mention that they were the leading cause
of many more burned-down schoolhouses.
Alex
wrote:
I`ll
bet you didn`t know that that was the *only* schoolhouse in Lower East Sockia
and when it burned down (even though Ed valiantly tried to save it) all the
young children were forced to leave town to receive a proper education while
a new schoolhouse was being built. This took 11 years, and when the children
finally were able to attend their new school, it was too late! All of the young
children`s minds were corrupted forever because they had to go to school in
Metropolitan Scarfville and the no longer thought it cool to wear Socks or Toques.
This was the beginning of the end of the small City of Sockia.
L
e x wrote:
Yes,
that is true, but what you might not know is that the main thing that brought
down Sockia after the schoolhouse burning was the whores. Droves of them came
to Sockia from all around, because they found that they could fit in the with
natives by wearing their socks and toques ... and nothing else. They were accecpted
by the townspeople who were unaware of their whoring and ... well ... it was
really just the whoring.
Finally, after a while, the townspeople caught on. The wives of the town's native
men got suspicious, and would secretly send out their own toque-wearing sheep
to follow the men when they would leave in the evening to visit the whores.
The sheep -- who spoke in code that only the women seemed to understand, another
lesser-known fact about Sockia -- would report that their husbands were out
drinking and cavorting with the mostly naked Sockia Slatterns (which is how
they came to be known) and the women decided to drive the whores out of town.
They gathered together with torches and pitchforks, and donned their black toques.
They chased after these women (who they now knew of because of their trademark
nudity .... and for the sexual acts that they would be caught publicly preforming
on the sheep and husbands) and beat them all to death in the night. It was known
as the Sockia Slattern Massacre, and word of this massacre grew and spread out
to other towns, and the surrounding villiages (who had their own whores, but
were quite happy with them) ostracized the Sockia people
Eventually,
all the sheep of Sockia died (some say of grief over the loss of their beloved
whores, which is ironic, considering that they were the ones who had ratted
them out in the first place) and the remaining villagers either starved or were
overtaken by the horrendous outbreak of syphillus that had spread amongst the
Sockia husbands
A
truly tragic story indeed!!!
Alex
wrote:
Did
you know that the spirit of Ed actually came back many, many years ago to wreak
havoc and exact revenge on the women of Sockia for murdering his beloved whores
(who, even though he died before they came to Sockia, had heard about through
his weekly seances from the Sheep-Medium "Madame Edwina)
This
revenge enabled him to ascend to the throne of Sockia, after, of course, he
regained his mortal body by entering the body of Melvin, former Sockia Savings
and Loan employee.
Ed
is now the world`s only Sheep-in-human-body King.
to
be continued ....